One of my worst fears all of a sudden came true! My purse is gone — stolen.
Now what? I think I left it here… no maybe there. I’m not sure, but I had it and it’s gone.
I’m franticly retracing my path looking for the last place I hung it up. There’s several potential places. I’m not sure. Now what?
I’m in a thrift shop across town. It’s a beautiful day. I was feeling good and now this — a sense of disbelief and then pent-up panic!
Why was I so stupid to hang it there? Why didn’t I remember to grab it before going on? What was I thinking? Did I expect any different?
I scan the room to see if I spot anyone familiar, because I vaguely remember a woman behind me earlier. She was my first suspect — she looked like she could be the type. I leave at that.
Maybe she didn’t like the idea/look of a feminized guy in a long skirt and a T top.
What I do know is that it was likely at this point, where my little black purse is hanging basically on display, that I last remember leaving it. I’ve been distracted looking through the shoes a couple of aisles over. So, it’s been awhile. Shit!
No car keys. Can’t call my son, because I don’t know his number — it’s programmed into my favourites on the phone that’s gone.
All my keys are gone too, so technically I’m now locked out of my own home.
Also my cash — gone! And I was out shopping for things I really needed, like the clothes in my hand.
How could someone do this?? To me!! Why now? What will I do next? Ok, I need to take some action — now.
Trying not to show my distress I hasten toward the front of the store. I start scanning everyone I see on my way. Is someone carrying it?
I quickly realize they would probably have it stashed. Or they’re already long gone.
The clerk is close to the exit and I make my way to her. I’m going to tell her what’s happened.
With a now tremulous presence I told her that I think someone has stolen my purse.
She stops what she’s doing, turns to me and tells me someone brought a small black purse to her a little while ago and it’s behind the counter.
She walks over to get it — I follow. She hands me my purse with a smile. Immediately I feel the sense of relief and let out a sigh as she hands it to me.
Again, a wave of dread comes over me. What’s with that?
I open the purse, look for my cash and find that it’s all there. So is my phone, keys and everything else.
The clerk is there watching as I de-stress and we comment how some/most people are so considerate. I feel true gratitude and ask if she knows the person who brought it to her. She told me it was someone she didn’t remember seeing before and they were now gone.
I thanked the clerk, and still a bit frazzled, I ended my shopping adventure abruptly and left the store.
As I began replaying the events in my mind it became very evident that my first thought was very wrong. I assumed someone stole it — not that they actually did the exact opposite by ensuring that it didn’t get stolen, because of my thoughtlessness.
I like to think and have often stated that I’m a trusting person. Where were my trusting thoughts in this moment? I assumed the worst and was suspicious about everybody in an instant.
I felt fear and dread as my immediate reaction and even after getting it back I still faced another round until I confirmed everything was there. That’s sad.
Why did I react with such scepticism and negativity?
To me, it shows how powerful our subconscious mind and past conditioning are and depending on unresolved trauma, and likely numerous other factors as well, how our reactions can easily become manipulated by our skewed perception of an event that invokes fear, doubt, and unbelief.
Now I must ask myself how my subconscious mind is effecting other areas of my life and how I can make improvements through awareness and mindfulness. I also realize that I need more self-compassion, determination and help on my self-improvement journey.
My “thinking” mind was so busy conjuring-up a negative response that I didn’t hear my heart, which does profess that everything will be ok.
One thing really stands out though; my conscious belief that most people are fundamentally good is true. I’m very grateful to the person that rescued my purse. They are a tangible example of a kind and consider human being. That’s so inspiring… to me.
